I know that I've been pretty clear lately that I'm struggling greatly with the whole "work-life" balance equation. There's been little balance, and I've allowed that to make me insanely unhappy. I find this intolerable. Hell, I've been finding me intolerable. I finally reached a breaking point in the last day or so and I'm presently preoccupied with licking my wounds. Well, some of that...and more of figuring out how much of this is acute fatigue, how much of this is chronic stress, and what is going to be the best way to make it all better. How do I achieve balance in the present incarnation of my life? Can I? The reality is that I deserve better in my life than what I've been getting and giving, and I know that those around me deserve better of me.
Tonight is step 1. No, not the confession that I've not been coping. I've been alluding to that plenty well and if anything the only confession is that I've been as cognizant of the problem as anyone; I just haven't known what to do with it.
What, you ask, is step 1? Reminding myself DAILY that I have some pretty amazing things in my life. I have two goals in doing this: to remind myself that I really do have some goodness surrounding me (because I've been forgetting that a lot lately) and hopefully to make anyone who stops by to reflect a little on the goodness surrounding them.
The List of things that make me happy and for which I'm thankful for Friday, June 6, 2008 edition
(10th Anniversary of my Med School graduation, which is profoundly overshadowed by it being the 40th anniversary of RFK's death):
- The first roses of the season are blooming by my driveway. Pink. Bright pink.
- I got a pedicure today. My toenails are the same color as the above roses. I smile when I look at them.
- Tucker Ted. Toilet paper roll. Messy bathroom. The boy is an arts and crafts genius in his own special way. And a comic genius at times.
- I have friends who are amazingly kind. They are kind to me when I'm failing to be kind to myself...and in doing that remind me that maybe I should behave towards me as they are.
- The sun came out for a few minutes late in the day. The mountains that I can see from my study desk were this awe-inspiring color of pink as the sun was setting. I'm glad I had a moment to actually appreciate the beauty. I need more of these moments. I shall have more of these moments.
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Now playing: Norah Jones - Wake Me Up
via FoxyTunes