I'm grumpy as all Hell this morning.
I know, I shouldn't be in the greater scheme of things. But I am. I managed to get to sleep initially last night in spite of the Stupid Call Schedule issue, then I got called in for an ER consult about 30 minutes after I went to sleep (awful, awful timing!). When I got back home I was frustrated again and I have no idea how long it took me to get to sleep....but I know I didn't sleep well once I got there.
So, grumpy. And I'm skipping trauma conference in protest of the bullshit. And I'm finding it beyond ironic that while my Burn life is definitely being made more palatable between my own efforts and those of Jeff, my Trauma Life (which I consider expendable since it is NOT part of my long-term career aspirations) may ultimately prove to be the dealbreaker. I mean, I've known that all along. But the chickens are coming home to roost there; the idea that we can run the trauma call and service schedule with just 7 of us and no rules about how many people can be out at once is ludicrous. In truth we need another person AND rules, and I'm not sure I see either of those happening. Unfortunately, they both have profound implications for me. It's pretty hard to keep my commitment to myself about taking a weekend off EVERY month when I'm not "allowed" to have one in order to meet the call schedule demands.
And I gotta say that Galveston is looking a little less-good in light of TS Eduardo heading that way. NOT a fan of hurricanes.
With that, I must end my rant both because I do need to go to work eventually and because I'm hoping that my rant will be cathartic (I must stop perseverating sometime!). I know the story that my brain is caught in is that I can't make things work here, and that may or may not be factual. It's feeling increasingly true, though. And managing it without throwing a huge tantrum? THAT is the challenge.
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Now playing: James McMurtry - We Can't Make It Here
via FoxyTunes