Jackson Browne from 1993 might not be the greatest musical choice for my mood tonight. As I explained to a friend earlier, I'm not in a funk. But I'm restless, or dissatisfied, or something I can't quite get my brain around today. Musically the JB is great stuff. But I know good and well that "I'm Alive" is a bit on the melancholy side, a little lonely. So while it suits where I sit right now it may be driving me a little deeper into myself- and that's a place I don't feel like going right now. I don't have time or energy. Not right now. I'm struggling enough with trying to integrate all of these things I've been learning and feeling and doing the last couple of months. I'm uncertain how the pieces fit together, and that fit is fragile at best yet. The harder I try to put all of those parts of my life together the more I seem to feel like there's a gap here- a hollow spot at the core of it. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive. Maybe I'm just being too emotional. Maybe I'm just grumpy today. The fit isn't feeling good- at least today it's not.
Happiness/Gratitude list, 19 August 2008 edition:
- Faith. Faith in the broader sense, and faith that I'll get this "stuff" figured out.
- Re-connecting with an friend from long-ago. She's someone I thought was spectacular more than a decade ago, and she has simply improved with time.
- Coming home to a clean house. I love McKell Tuesday!
- Lifting heavy tonight. I'm not going to say I enjoyed it while I was doing it, but I know it's good for me.
- I have a new book on the book pile. I'll let you know how it is since I plan to read it while traveling this weekend.
Bedtime beckons. Let's see if some sleep can improve my disposition.
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Now playing: Jackson Browne - Sky Blue and Black
via FoxyTunes