Wow.
Just when I feel like I've got a lot of the pieces put back together, when I'm feeling strong, when I've reclaimed my power in so many areas of my life.
An email.
"Can you call me?"
Followed by another email.
"I really miss you."
I'll admit it.
I miss you, too.
I miss the sweet, funny man who spent two hours on the phone with me on Valentine's night two years ago.
I miss you introducing me to people as, "...really smart, really cool, and she puts people back together."
I miss you worrying about me when I have bronchitis, and I really miss you wanting to take care of me (even though you were on the road).
I miss the look you gave me that night in Fayetteville when you first saw me there. I have never felt more beautiful and more loved.
If I could have those versions of you back, I would be there in a heartbeat.
But the petulant, jealous, manipulative asshole of the first 6 months of the year?
He's not welcome here. I deserve better than that, and you know that. Hell, you've said it yourself.
Happiness/Gratitude List, 3 September 2008:
- Getting the opportunity to be genuinely helpful to a couple of people around me. And feeling appreciated for doing so.
- My pretty new dress that I wore today. Much like the raspberry sweater of yesterday, it just plain made me happy.
- Putting another crack in the wall that I've been hitting my head against this year. Change is happening, good change, change that will fix most of my biggest work frustrations.
- Choir tonight. It felt really good to be "home" and it was even better to sing for a while.
- Early bedtime. Because I didn't sleep as much as I should have last night, and because I can.
Sweet dreams....
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Now playing: Lucinda Williams - What If
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