I've had a "hangover" from yesterday in the good sense; every time I've gotten a bit riled today I've just gone back to being on top of the world for a while. It's amazing how well that works.
Church this morning was a struggle. Choir is great. I adore my church family. I do not enjoy our worship services. I despise the screen that pops up behind the altar that we paid a LOT of money for. I'm struggling because it seems that we're trying really hard to accommodate people who tend to liking contemporary worship without concern for alienating those of us whose spirits are fed by "high church" worship (that's a relative thing in Methodism). It just feels like we're trying too hard to be all things to all people- and failing along the way. I'm trying to find a prayerful and thoughtful way to share my concerns but it's going to take some time. I certainly had no rational things to say when I left church today- and the fact that Gina and Sue were as stirred up as I was didn't help a bit. Hmmph.
The Boy reappeared this evening via text, out of the blue thinking that he could ask about my schedule for the week. I told him he didn't need it because I wasn't coming to see him. His response? "What if I come see you?" I told him that wasn't happening either. We'll see if this version of the, "No, we really are done and we have been for quite a while now" talk works. I'm pretty proud of myself for just putting it out there since my intense dislike for any sort of conflict or bad feelings is well known. It may or may not have helped that I was in the midst of a highly entertaining email exchange with yesterday's outdoor accomplice at the same time. I think that made me a little braver than I might have otherwise been. Whatever works...
Happiness/ Gratitude list, 27 October 2008 edition:
- Realizing this morning that I'm not the only one disgruntled with the current order of worship at church. I honestly believed I was alone in this for a long, long time. Now we just have to find our voices- and I don't just mean our soprano choral voices.
- Spending a couple of hours sitting out back in the sun today. It was almost as good for my soul as yesterday's outdoor adventure. Almost.
- Tucker deciding that he needed some serious lap time this afternoon. It's been a while since he's just snuggled up and fallen asleep, and while it meant missing yoga I'll take the trade-off. If I could just get him to help with stretching my IT bands....
- Bison chili, jalapeno cornbread, and beer for supper. It's hard to beat that.
- Being patient. Being brave. Being in the moment. And not being scared.
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