No. Emotional. Reserve.
None.
I've already waterlogged Tucker twice today, and that's not including his assistance with my shower this evening.
I'm exhausted from being up in the middle of the night last night. I don't wear this as well as I used to.
I'm more than a little scared that I'm going to find out that something is horribly wrong with Cassi. While I recognize that she and I have had an amazing and wonderful 15+ year run together, it won't make me miss her any less. She's the last link in my daily life to my pre-Doctor self. It seems like forever ago....
Late last week I sent a long email to one of my friends I miss the most in my life- the way I described him to someone over the weekend is, "You know that person in your life who you love unconditionally and who provides the same to you; the person who knows all of your dirty little secrets?" That person. That friend. We haven't caught up with each other in entirely too long. Of course he got back to me tonight and as I sat here reading I realized how perfectly I nailed that description. Before you get the wrong idea, we have no business being together romantically- and he is happily married with a wonderful 4 month old son who is clearly the greatest thing in his life. But he's there, or he's here, however it needs to be framed to make it clear that when the dust settles there's an amazing amount of love, acceptance, and history between us. If only there weren't 2200 miles between us.
I think today was just hard because I realize that I'm surrounded by lots of amazing and wonderful people who love me. I would never dispute that, and I certainly wouldn't trade it ever. But as I was driving Cass to the vet, I realized that it's still a damn lonely place sometimes. And I found myself wondering if that ever gets easier- or at least hurts a little less.
Scared. And not feeling terribly brave at the moment.
I'm going to look at pictures from Saturday and see if they help, even just a little. Something has to.
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Now playing: Mike McClure Band - Take Me Somewhere Tonight
via FoxyTunes