Loss and heartbreak, in their purest forms, are amazing concepts to me.
Cassi's labs were no better this afternoon. I had a good cry with two friends on the phone then went up to the vet to have her put to sleep.
There was cold comfort in the fact that she didn't even recognize me.
After 15 years and more than a few adventures, I'm going to miss her. I still remember fondly when Mom brought her home from school in a box- my standard answer to "Guess what I have?" had been "A kitty?" for months. I stopped asking when she came to us, and I haven't needed to ask since.
I'm having her cremated. I still have Pandora's ashes (I never made it back to the Brazos River with them), so the next time I head to the homeland I have a little mission. The girls deserve to be together anyway.
And in the face of my profound sadness there have been some reminders and realizations. I have so very much love in my life- so very much- and it's moments like this when my heart is truly breaking that I am reminded how blessed I am. I have some wonderful, amazing people in my world. It's hard to be terribly melancholy with a realization like that. Don't get me wrong- I always am aware and appreciative of the love and kindness I have in my life. I'm just more aware of it- and more appreciative of it- today than usual.
I have what feels like a completely crazy theory on the timing of Cassi's (very acute) health decline. No, I'm not sharing now. But in 6 months if I'm right I'll reference back here- then let you know. If I'm wrong in 6 months, we'll just never mention it again.
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