I'm less grumpy after a decent night's sleep.
Of course, I'm on trauma call (again) tonight, which has a certain baseline level of grumpiness associated with it for me right now.
And I went to pick up Cassi's ashes today, which resulted in another good cry. As much as I adore Tuck, I miss her.
Almost as importantly, I'm struggling with her being the last constant, daily link to my prior-to-medical-school world. My life right now looks nothing like my life 15 years ago- this is the weekend I was interviewing at Baylor for medical school, and I had already interviewed at A&M. Where I sit today is in no way what I would have predicted then. It's not a bad place, and it's quite honestly a pretty amazing place. It's just a very different life from what it was when she showed up, and she had outlasted so many people and things. She was present for so many of my fears and struggles and being a loyal cat provided companionship without judgment. I treasure that unconditional devotion that our pets have for us (assuming we treat them well, and anyone who knows of my cats knows they are treated very well), and the fact that they seem to be the most unconditional when we need it most.
The ultimate irony, of course, is that my life is finally, finally feeling "settled" in most ways- something it wasn't for any of those 15 years. Maybe she knew that we were there. Maybe she knew lots of things. I just know I'll miss that demanding voice and the purr that was bigger than the kitty.
No list tonight. It's in my heart, but the biggest thing I'm thankful for is the kitty with big ears, a giant tail, and an even bigger heart who came home in a box with my Mom one day. As much as I miss her, I wouldn't trade any of it.
----------------
Now playing: Bonnie Raitt - All At Once
via FoxyTunes