Trust. Gratitude. Inspiration.
I found myself this evening trying to list one thing for each category. While the gratitude part wasn't tricky at all since I'm accustomed to it and inspiration is something that is a bit like water or air for me, the trust one was a bear. If you have read between the lines recently, I've lost my faith in someone who I care about deeply and whom I have considered an important friend. And though I'm sad- perhaps more for him than for me- I'm not blaming myself, I'm not getting that "I can't do this stuff" dialogue going in my head. Honestly, that's a giant step for me and it allows me to realize that yes, even though I'm in "cautious" mode, I can trust that I'm moving forward from a place I've been stuck in my life. Even though it's not a place I'm necessarily delighted to have been stuck, it's been both comfortable and safe for a long, long time. Whatever it is that I'm moving toward is something entirely new and unfamiliar and for those reasons a bit scary. But I'm trusting my heart and my intuition to lead me there- both of those things are giving me strength to draw on as I explore this wilderness.
Gratitude list, 17 April 2009 edition:
- My kitchen roses. Regulars at my home know what I'm talking about. For those who aren't, I almost always have a dozen roses in a vase on my kitchen island. Right now they're this amazing color that is somewhere just to the coral side of pink. They make me smile.
- A magnificent supper with Mom. Playing in the kitchen can be magical, and is almost invariably cathartic.
- Remember yesterday's gratitude for the re-injured foot? The weather has been so atrocious that the Saturday portion of the BP MS150 got cancelled outright- first time in 25 years that they've had to do that. So, yes, even more grateful about the foot keeping me home.
- Down time, when I get the chance to sort through the pieces of my life and figure out how they fit together. And, of course, to figure out which pieces of the puzzle don't fit at all. Pondering these things takes time and space and I'm glad to have both right now.
- Contemplating a fun little arts and crafts project. I promise to share if I actually pull it off. I'm still pulling ideas together.
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Now playing: Jack Ingram - Hold On
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