I'm currently participating in a
Mondo Beyondo Dream Lab on clearings. I figured that Spring is the perfect time to clean up my clutter, material, emotional, and otherwise. I've been more right in that supposition than I ever suspected.
For our last week of Dream Lab, we're focusing on spiritual clearing, something of a serendipitous issue for me. I reached a decision earlier this year to leave my church congregation of the last 11 years for a variety of reasons, some newer and less complex, some festering for a few years now. A comment from a good friend was what made me realize that it really
was time for me to go. We were discussing how my choral obligations have dictated the rhythm of the holiday season for many years, and R simply said, "If it's something that gives you joy, then it's the right place for you to be." Reflection demonstrated that most of the joy drained out a while back, and while I've missed a few people, I've also become well aware that most of the reasons I stayed even this long weren't the right ones but were all predicated on obligation/ guilt/ habit.
The act of leaving the church has left me in the lurch, spiritually speaking, even as it has opened up my non-call Sunday mornings to no alarm clock, bluebird powder days, and long dog walks.
- Do I need to look for another church community, which will mean leaving what I consider my home denomination? Probably, if I'm going to maintain a presence in organized religion. Maybe I simply need to find a space in another community altogether.
- How much will I miss music, which has been my primary role in our church, and is there a way to fill the gap left without music ministry, secular or spiritual? Maybe it's time to take voice lessons and examine things besides church music.
- Is it enough to continue to explore religion and spirituality and all that they mean on my own- at least for now? Maybe so, because this really is my own unique journey. I'm spending time meditating- literally- on this question this month.
I feel like I'm in this wide-open space right now, something akin to a spiritual prairie. While I find it an incredibly rich and soul-nourishing opportunity, the magnitude is sometimes disorienting. I have faith, however, that at the end of the day I'll find my own spiritual nest here somewhere.
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Now playing:
Ben Harper and Relentless7 - Faithfully Remainvia FoxyTunes