No matter where they wander...there's no place for them to land

Confession:

I'm struggling this week, feeling incredibly isolated both personally and professionally.

I feel betrayed by someone whom I thought was a good friend; this at the same time that I realize how hard it's become that those friends I perceive as my strongest, most unconditional support are in Montana, in California and Arizona, in Texas, in New Jersey.

I'm having to make some lonely decisions at work right now in terms of clinical care, and while I feel supported by our staff, it's still incredibly lonely when the buck stops with you.

I won't even delve into my cultural isolation in the world of departmental politics that has become acutely apparent (again) in the last couple of weeks. No matter how many times I sit here and remind myself that what I do is truly important (and am told that by those whom it most affects), it becomes hard to believe when the constant message from colleagues and superiors is that none of it is important. Most of the time it's simply in their actions, sometimes they're actually unkind enough to say it out loud. Amazingly, none of those same people would want to do any of it- not care for my patients, not take call for 3 weeks at a time, not get children out of unhealthy environments, not put their heart and soul into teaching students and junior residents.

For those who question the value of pets, I'll simply say that the menagerie is helping to hold me together right now. They're pretty terrific when one is in need of some unconditional, non-judgmental love.