To get to where I am right now, there is a bit of backstory that is required. Also, I am going to come VERY clean about some stuff in hopes that it will help anyone who needs a bit of help with being honest about weight gain and weight loss. Lack of honesty with myself was a big part of what got me to where I was last year, and it's just not worth this all being a source of shame.
Over the last several years, I have managed to consistently put on a few pounds a year. I honestly blew it off for a long time. I kept rationalizing that muscle weighs more than fat (true) and that because I'm pretty reliable about my weight-based workouts that I tend to carry a fair amount of muscle (also true). What I failed to factor in was that I developed a pretty significant grazing/ stress eating habit. Imagine that I might stress eat in my line of work! (That's the helpful green sarcasm font for those who are unfamiliar.)
But somewhere in all of that I just plain got fat, for lack of a more delicate way to explain it. I spent a few years with my weight fluctuating in the 140s. Then it climbed a bit, then a bit more, then a bit more than that. Last May I went in for some testing at the University's Health and Fitness center, a perk of our insurance plan and a way to get my contribution to my premiums heavily reduced. What that testing told me was that I was fat- fit and strong, but fat. I weighed in at 160 pounds. My body fat had successfully broken the 40% mark. I know the consequences of being overweight on health, and none of them are good. And we'll leave out the fact that fashionable me had "outgrown" almost all of my pants. Things were getting dire.
I knew that losing properly during the summer would be almost impossibly hard with 3-Day training; when you're walking 30+ miles every weekend, a certain number of calories are required to prevent loss of "good" weight and going into starvation mode. I started moderating my eating during the summer, being a bit more mindful, but waited until Fall to bring out the Big Guns.
What, you ask, are the Big Guns? For me, Weight Watchers. I started on September 27 weighing in at 155. I learned how to track using Points Plus on my iPhone. I figured out that my favorite stress snack at work (small chocolate ice cream cup + peanut butter) was 8 points (!). For a framework, my "allowance" is 26 points per day- so that stress snack was really the equivalent of a meal. I bet you can guess how many times I have indulged since I figured THAT out! I also proudly took credit for my activity points that I earn. Between Kita-dog walks and my regular workout regimen (which is little changed), I consistently manage to gift myself with 40+ activity points each week. Those keep me in chocolate, or the rare piece of pizza, so I don't feel deprived.
On Monday I went back for follow-up testing. I weighed in at 132, quite close to my current goal weight of 130. My body fat was down 11%, so while there is some room for improvement there, I'm certainly not fat anymore. I'm the lightest I've been in probably a decade, maybe more. I honestly feel GREAT and have noticed a big difference in the absolute effort required for my workouts. I've recently had to do some "emergency" pant shopping as well because I'm down to about 2 pairs of pants I can wear without looking sloppy. It's a good problem to have.
I've learned a few things to get here, and I'm hoping they are lessons that will serve me well as I move into maintenance from weight loss.
- The scale doesn't completely lie and it should not be avoided. I even sort-of made friends with it, mostly because I developed a sense of curiosity about my progress.
- You can eat anything you want. It just might cost you in terms of being able to get nutritious foods in that you need as well. Frankly, I like my nutritious foods and am willing to bypass some things that are high points so I can have something more satisfying overall. I've also become quite adept at skipping wine and eating dessert when I dine out as a trade-off. If you know me well, chocolate ALWAYS wins. Always.
- You will not eat perfectly every single day. I'm not sure I've had a day that could be considered "perfect"- I've just had a lot of very good days. Sometimes you'll spend a week in New Orleans and be grateful that you escaped without gaining (this may have happened for me in February). The key is to move forward from the not-so-good days and not view them as a setback. Most importantly, look at them and see what was going on; use them as an opportunity to learn more about you and how you're relating to food at that time. As Dory says, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..." I had two key principles that I adhered to- don't beat yourself up if you have a tough day and don't quit.
- Always travel with healthy snacks that you like. You never know when you'll be stuck somewhere, or you'll want something that can function as comfort food. My go-to healthy comfort snack? Justin's Chocolate Hazelnut Butter. It's excellent on apples. 5 points plus.
- For me, visuals help. That means tracking what I'm eating as the day goes so that I can see where I am for the day. It means logging my weight on Sunday mornings so I can see that slow, steady downward trend on the graph. I LOVE that graph, and I'm looking forward to seeing it stay stable once it's done going down.
So there it is- the whole dirty story. I'll be honest, too, about the fact that when I started Weight Watchers it was lost on me that I might have this much weight to lose. I set my initial goal at 145 because I felt like I could do that. Then I moved it to 135 when I realized that 145 was achievable but didn't put me where I needed to be. It's now set at 130, and I expect it will stay there; it certainly won't dip below 125.
In closing, a note of thanks to my friends who have been my cheerleaders as you've noticed my progress, who have split desserts with me so I could still get some chocolate, or who have let me whine rather than indulge in something that I didn't need to eat. Your encouragement has been a good reminder on less-easy days.
Now listening: Son Volt "Livin' On"
Labels: Leaning out while leaning in, random thoughts