I come skidding through another Wednesday, contemplating the fact that I feel fortunate to simply have come through it unscathed and without having made any significant errors.
And I sit here with that thought, I realize that I'm exhausted. Not just exhausted from today, but exhausted from having my feet hit the floor at a dead run every Wednesday at 5 am that just keeps going for 13 or more hours. I understand that in my business that days like that happen, and I'm completely okay when a day ends up like that just because. What I'm dissatisfied with is when my day is schedule like that every week because of meetings and classes and more meetings and more classes. There's no margin for error. There's honestly no room to breathe. I just don't feel like I should be stressed about when and if I'll get lunch before I even leave for work, and I shouldn't start my day hoping that something will be cancelled so I can have a little window. The whole thing simply makes me crave being put into time-out.
Now I just have to figure out how to achieve that time-out. I'm wrestling with some ideas, none of which are traditional but any of which might just give me some relief; one of them would honestly open up quite a bit of space in my life. Today that's a big temptation but I'm not ready to move because it would require me to cut back on some things that I do love and enjoy. I'll have to see what I decide is okay for boundaries and move forward from there. I just know that my Wednesdays have become an impossible thing that I do, and that I'm ready for that to be different. I'm tired of "shoulds" and feeling obligated- and the resentment that ultimately comes with them.
Now listening: Drive-By Truckers "Wednesday"Labels: NaBloPoMo