I promise I'll be happy and grateful in a minute. I will. I promise.
But just for a moment, I need this.....
AAARGH!!!!
Okay, sorry, I'm back now. My evening hasn't been stellar- the laptop that's been on life support finally died (when the power button stops working and it can't be turned on, I figure the game is over). Sadly, I needed it to work on the grant application we're writing so I'm now behind where I wanted to be with that. I'm also not-so-enchanted with my need to go drop some serious cash for a new laptop THIS WEEK since I'm traveling next week and have work that has to go with me.
Then, while I'm pouting about the dead laptop and fixing supper who should appear via text AND email? Yep, The Boy. For a few minutes I had hope that he was coming back being civilized, sweet, wonderful....all of the things I've missed about him and that have lacked for months. And amazingly it only took him a few minutes to completely blow it. Completely, utterly blew it. Quite frankly I haven't the time or energy for his bullshit these days, much less any interest in propagating what is obviously a farce of a relationship. I deserve better. And he needs to just go away. I didn't feel that strongly about him being gone completely until tonight's episode- which proved to me that he's not capable of any compromise.
Quite honestly, I wish I knew what happened to him. He is not the same person I fell in love with two years ago. Not even close. I actually miss that guy, but I can't stand this one.
Happiness/ Gratitude list from the last couple of days:
- We're making GREAT progress on the WAGES grant proposal. Obviously, I failed to gain some ground tonight but I really do think we'll be okay. I'm counting on the Trauma Gods giving me room to work every afternoon this week (please?!?), and it will certainly help that I have no call between now and when I leave for San Fran.
- Having a great call night last night. No, really, it was. Great folks to work with, and it was as much "fun" as trauma call can be.
- My new jacket I wore to church this morning. I wore it on rounds, too, and I think we got interrupted about 5 times by people commenting on it. Granted, the animal print is a little over the top. But I love it and it looks great (note: the back has a pleat with the collar contrast fabric in it).
- Church this morning. Again, it's nice being "home"- even if some of the stuff that was driving me crazy before my hiatus is grating again. We'll see. Being back into the musical loop is definitely helping my attitude (and my sanity).
- An epiphany included in the above rant about The Boy...the fact that I know that I don't deserve his bullshit. It has nothing to do with me. Nothing. And I can't fix it, either- it's his "stuff" to fix. He obviously won't, which means that I can't even pretend anymore. I have to admit that I'm grateful for being in a place in my life when I realize that it's not my responsibility to fix everything- and that sometimes all that can be done is to walk away.
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Now playing: Miranda Lambert - I Can't Be Bothered
via FoxyTunes
