Timing is everything. Really it is.
This was the second Tuesday in a row when I had a schedule hiccup. Last Tuesday I honestly forgot that I had arranged to do a brief presentation- though I atoned for that today. This week? Oh, just thought that an appointment that I actually had at 9 was at 10. I was gently reminded of this at 915. Those who know me well know that both of these are entirely unlike me, and I'm honestly unsure why I'm a little scattered right now. I feel very much in control of what's going on and what all needs to be done. I'm just....elsewhere, I guess.
I actually just giggled as I typed that simply because my Meyers-Briggs type would actually predict that I would be spacey and unreliable with scheduled activities far more frequently than I am. Maybe I'm simply being me and it looks odd because it's different from what I've always done. Anyway...accepting it and moving on. And laughing because it really does "fit", though that's not why I did it.
Back to the timing comment. This second schedule hiccup has occurred on a day when my Mom sent me an email asking me for my thoughts on what it takes to have a balanced life and what has been/ are my biggest challenges. Balance, the thing I was utterly flunking this time last year, and the thing I still wrestle with on a daily basis. Yeah, that. I laughed again when I pondered trying to describe where I am with life balance. No, it's not completely broken. But someone that thinks I might have it figured out?
Honestly, Mom, I'm really flattered. Really. It means a lot coming from you.
The dirty little secret in here? While I think I'm doing a better job with balance in my life, with not letting any one thing take an obsessive central role, I'm pretty sure that I'm still a novice pilgrim on this journey. In fact, I'm absolutely certain of that.
You may notice how carefully I phrased the idea of balance for me. It's not just work-life balance, or friend-family balance, or even healthy eating- not healthy eating balance. Because of my hardwiring, because of who I am, I find it entirely too easy to let things have too much space in my life.
I could sit here and make a list, and a reasonably impressive one, of people/ things/ activities/ concepts that have fallen into that "obsessive, or nearly so" category in the last several years. The single common thread amongst them? When I've allowed them to take over that has come from a place of fear. I mean, there's other stuff, too, but when you really dig to the crux of it fear is consistently what has put me in those places. And the thing that has invariably brought me out of them? Love, pure and simple. Not always in the same form, never from the same source. But yeah, at the end of the day....love brings me back to center (or asymptotically approaching it).
See, this whole crazy idea of love more, fear less? It's really about achieving something like balance. It's about bringing this really cool girl who I know to the table every single day- even on those days when she's far-from perfect (sometimes those days are when she's her most amazing, I've learned). It's about keeping my heart open and trying new things (dare!). It's about reveling in my quirks and flaws because they make me who I am and they're part of what the people in my life love. Most importantly, it's about not letting any one thing (or two things, whatever) get too much control over my life because I know that's where I go when I'm scared, and I know that's when I lose sight of who I really am.
I don't know if that's balance or not. I know it's my recipe for happiness and integrity. If it happens to bring balance, so be it.
Love more. Fear less. Good words for living.
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Now playing: Big Head Todd & The Monsters - All the Love You Need
via FoxyTunes